I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
