found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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