I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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