the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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