Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
