I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Randomize
