I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think weed is turning my hair brown
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
