can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
