Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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