respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
