Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
