The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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