ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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