I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
