Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
