im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
