yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
