I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
