sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
