My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
In America we eat man semen.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Randomize
