my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's not a walk of shame if you run
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
