I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
