The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
