Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
