Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
