He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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