You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
