I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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