first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
