How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
