why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
