He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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