forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
