There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
