3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
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