Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
