I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
