I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
