Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
