I wish I could punch you in the face.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
