this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Terrible idea I love it
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
