I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
