Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
