i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
