If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
