No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
it glows. i had to have it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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