you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize