I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
