Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
