Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Randomize
