It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
