@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
