I wanna bring you to show and tell
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
