Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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