There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
it's like iHOP with fire
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
