The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
