Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
